Happy Boxing Day ...

Rightly said ...

Some interesting quotes (posted by some friends on Facebook) that depicts what I am feeling right now. 

Photo credits: http://superpaula.tumbler.com

Reminder to all!!!

Photo credits: Plucked from friends Facebook wall

.........................

Scary feeling!! ...

I don't know what exactly happened just now but I think I just experienced a horrible emotional attack! All of a sudden, anxiety level was shooting up drastically, severe palpitation and I COULDN'T BREATHE!! Omg! It took me some time to control myself and fight it off ... though heart is still beating fast now. What is wrong with me???

Earlier while in the midst of working on 'The Project', I felt a bit uneasy with the sudden presence of anxiety but I shook it off in order to finish up some of the stuff from 'The Project'. I do have to admit that for the past week (or shall I say month), I was feeling pretty down with the overwhelming stress, training, assessments, and drama from work.  Usually, I'm much better in adapting to a new working environment but off late that's not the case. To make things worst, one of my pillar of support is fading away. I just wish for everything to fall into place as soon as possible. 

Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself lately. It's been pretty hard adjusting to life after funemployment. Or perhaps I no longer am the person I used to be. Sometimes I feel like I am beginning to turn into an ugly, bitter person recently. Some peace of mind is needed greatly!

Gotta try to get some sleep. My head feels like it's about to burst ... and I feel like crying now.  Argghh .. why now? I'm supposed to enjoy my 5 days of break .. At this point of time, life sucks for me!!! But only I have the remedy to cure myself... or maybe God! If you are listening to me, this is the time to lend me a helping hand!! Help me clear my mind .. pls!! 

;(

Empty ...

[OST]My Fair Lady - Romance by Yoon Eun Hye and Yoon Sang Hyun ...

Bring tears to my eyes whenever I listen to this song (love Yoon Eun Hye's voice) ... Sometimes, no matter how strong you are, you can never run away from sadness.....

Sa Raeng Hae Yo ...

A silly morning thought ...

My presence makes no difference in life ; nor does my absence matter ...

Short excitement ...

I've never been so nervous and excited about a football match before. It was the runner-up match this morning at 230am, Germany vs. Uruguay. Anyways, story cut short, friend of mine should have done something for me, but it turns out she didn't. Excitement cut short, only to be ambushed by the feelings of disappointment that severely contributed to my sleepless night. OMG!!!!! $@#$%^&** ...

*Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

WTF!!!!!

*Sigh* ... Just not my luck, I guess!!! 

*sobs*

:(

Point break ...

Do you give up in life, move on or ... live like a dead person? ...

Hit by the past ..

The resurgence of some feelings in the past has left me slightly depressed at times. It's like the thing stuck among your teeth and no matter how hard you've tried, you can't seem to get it out.  This lead to sleepless nights, 'Panda eyes' and bad skin complexion for the past week. Howeverrrr, this does not deter my determination to score tomorrow's interview (Wish me luck, yah!! Need plenty of those). 

Anyways, to the hell with those bad, negative thoughts!! Am trying my very best to maintain a positive attitude and to prepare for tomorrow's interview.  Hehe .. I'm a bit too relaxed, I guess! Mental note, I will prepare for the interview tomorrow morning, since it's scheduled at 5.30pm. 

As for tonight, a bit of chilling out may do me good. Let me see what's on the list - bit of grocery shopping & frozen yogurt (if possible), help frenny, F, hunt for a mini home trampoline,  dinner at Kota Damansara (to try out the steam fish place) and World Cup (England vs. Germany match) at either Overtime or Beer Factory. Hopefully, I'll remember to take some pics this time.  Hehe ... 

.. enough IS enough ..

... Is this the end?

It's been too long actually but am certainly overwhelmed at this moment by the inflow of emotions. However, what surprises me is my control towards my feelings has improved immensely! As much as I would like to dwell in the moment of sadness, I only did for a few secs .. hopefully my perseverance will last! * fingers crossed*

What use is it to dwell on someone that has removed you from their hearts? Anyways, f*** it !!! I've better things to worry 'bout now.

Besides, I love my shoes and bags more. They never fail to impress and flatter thyself. Plus, they'll always be with you forever (that is if you don't lose them). OOoo ..Can't wait till I have my hands on my true love - Chanel 2.55!!! *hearts*

Oh well! Hearts are meant to be broken .. If it's not mine, then it'll be your's .. Whatever!!

;)

caught the sick bug ;(

*coughs*

Boo~ Am perpetually down with a sorethroat and ANNOYING cough!!! All thanks to the recent Gemini weather - hot & rainy. Aww.. I severely miss the Land of Kangaroo's cold but cooling weather. Plus, zit attack and oily complexion due to the hot, humid weather is like adding salt to my wound.

*arggggggghhh*

Can we have a change in weather, please?? ..

Is there ...

.. such thing as a memory eraser? I definitely need it.. BADLY!!

In a daze...

My world has been severely grey the whole day.. Manifesting in devastation and being suffocated by my own thoughts! Yet again!! Why? ... This seems to be lingering in my mind forever!!

Torn..

I just read that an earthquake struck Taiwan today. First thing that came into mind was that 'person' was still there. Can't deny that I am obviously worried sick but I presume that 'the person' would be safe. Then I come to think about it, who am I to worry so much? 'People' don't even take my feelings into consideration. Anyways, whatever happens, I just hope U're safe. That's the least I can do.

Mental vomit..

Woke up again at 430am with the question "Why?" in mind. Feeling? Like a dagger pushed into your heart! Stabbed endlessly and the heart is bleeding profusely. And while I am suffering in silence, people are having the time of their lives, enjoying their holiday with family. What does that makes me? A bloody fool!!

And there I was, worried sick for 4 days...freaking out! Thinking something might have happened to u. Couldn't sleep!! Couldn't eat!!! *aargghhh* .. Why?

My chest is overloaded and sinking with pain..

I was thinking.. 'People' doesn't give a damn about me not being able to sleep, me being upset, me being sick, or about my feelings!! If they did, they wouldn't have subjected me to such disappointment, pain and sorrows throughout this time.

I will always be the Ugly Duckling no matter how much I've changed or tried.. 'People' just choose to see you the way they want to and find faults with you because they think that gives them an excuse to play around with your feelings!! I will always be on the losing end..

To them, being by their side for so many years does not mean anything at all. Who am I, rite? A bloody nobody.. who just keeps getting hurt again and again! So what if you know them best?? Their weakness..etc.. You still get your heart broken to pieces again and again!!

I'm no 'Superwoman'!!! My feelings count too, you know!

Anyways, what's the use? They won't understand.. Why do? I guess being SELFISH is the Key to Survival !! What is the use of you giving, forgiving and forgetting constantly when 'people' just don't give a shyte about all you've done for them!!! All because they know you will always forgive them.

WTF??? My generosity is not to be abused!! Hmm..towards the pathway of succumbing into bitterness now..maybe it's for the best! Being nice doesn't bring you nowhere!!

Can someone please remove my heart? I would rather be heartless now..AND choose to remain that way!! I don't EVER wanna care, love OR give my heart to anyone anymore!! Like what they say, "The good ones screw you! The bad ones screw you too!". So, basically you are SCREWED!!

Inflicting self-control..

Am trying my best not succumb into bitterness, sorrow and pain (umm..). Ok, I do admit pain and sorrow will always be there no matter how hard I try and tried to appear strong. I forced myself to go out tonight in efforts to abstain from dwelling and drowning in sorrows. I thought being amongst friends can make me feel better. But upon seeing them, I was wrong. I decided put up an act to cover up my sadness. This has been a frequent habit for me. My life seems to be turning into a big show. (This is when Lenka's song 'The Show' comes into mind..hmm..)

Literally speaking, I am not the type of person who easily shows my emotions despite how bad I feel to others because I do not want nor wish to affect them. Laughing and smiling when you're utterly upset is the worst feeling ever. I'm so tired but I can't seem to fall asleep. Because I know that once I close my eyes, everything will come flooding into my mind. Can one be suffocated by their own thoughts? Leaving you hard to breathe, drowning in fear, pain and sorrows... Why?? Why me? How can U do this to me?

*sigh* Welcome to the cruel reality!! ..

Unhappy thoughts..

Am currently overwhelmed and suffocated with unhappy thoughts. They say time heals it all but I doubt it. It's just been way too long. Especially when you invested so much time and love in a person and they do such things to you. It hurts like a b**** but you can't do no shit about it. No matter how hard you've tried, the worst thing IS you can't seem to let it go. Believe me! I've tried. All the attempts to get out of the dumpster has been to no avail.

Mentally wise, I'm heading downhill. The ghost of the past is haunting me, every sec, every min, every hour of the day. No matter how hard I've tried to suppress the feeling and push it to the back of my head..Bham! It comes rushing back again! Why is my world so grey? Is there any remedy for the broken hearted?

Anxiety kicks in..

Waking up at 4am after sleeping for only a few hours is certainly not normal. Waves of anxiety enveloped me, making it hard to breathe, heart palpitating at a super fast rate and mind ~ lost!! The question that kept lingering in my mind was "WHY???". How can people be so cruel?? No magic pills on hand, so I just stared at the walls of my bedroom, asking "Why?". As dawn was approaching, I decided I was not in the state of mind to drive to work. I think I fell asleep around 8am. But woke up at 9am again (???). *sighs*

Can the rain and thunder in my life please go away? When can I see sunshine? When can I smile sincerely from my heart? I'm on the brink of losing my mind soon. Having hit by endless thunderstorms, I'm so tired of fighting or walking towards the light. At this point of time, I just feel like curling up in my bed, sleeping soundly with nothing on my mind. I need a hand to walk me through this storm. I'm tired of walking alone!! I'm tired of feeling this way!! Being this way! Everything!!

hypocrites!!

They cheat u of ur feelings..make u worry bout them..BUT all they are doing is having fun, having a holiday while u were so damn worried bout their well-being and safety. fuck off! Go to hell!!!

worried~

What happened to U? I just hope U'r alright!! Hope all's well and everything's going smoothly for U.