Mental vomit..

Woke up again at 430am with the question "Why?" in mind. Feeling? Like a dagger pushed into your heart! Stabbed endlessly and the heart is bleeding profusely. And while I am suffering in silence, people are having the time of their lives, enjoying their holiday with family. What does that makes me? A bloody fool!!

And there I was, worried sick for 4 days...freaking out! Thinking something might have happened to u. Couldn't sleep!! Couldn't eat!!! *aargghhh* .. Why?

My chest is overloaded and sinking with pain..

I was thinking.. 'People' doesn't give a damn about me not being able to sleep, me being upset, me being sick, or about my feelings!! If they did, they wouldn't have subjected me to such disappointment, pain and sorrows throughout this time.

I will always be the Ugly Duckling no matter how much I've changed or tried.. 'People' just choose to see you the way they want to and find faults with you because they think that gives them an excuse to play around with your feelings!! I will always be on the losing end..

To them, being by their side for so many years does not mean anything at all. Who am I, rite? A bloody nobody.. who just keeps getting hurt again and again! So what if you know them best?? Their weakness..etc.. You still get your heart broken to pieces again and again!!

I'm no 'Superwoman'!!! My feelings count too, you know!

Anyways, what's the use? They won't understand.. Why do? I guess being SELFISH is the Key to Survival !! What is the use of you giving, forgiving and forgetting constantly when 'people' just don't give a shyte about all you've done for them!!! All because they know you will always forgive them.

WTF??? My generosity is not to be abused!! Hmm..towards the pathway of succumbing into bitterness now..maybe it's for the best! Being nice doesn't bring you nowhere!!

Can someone please remove my heart? I would rather be heartless now..AND choose to remain that way!! I don't EVER wanna care, love OR give my heart to anyone anymore!! Like what they say, "The good ones screw you! The bad ones screw you too!". So, basically you are SCREWED!!